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My Journey Into Healing: Opening My Heart

April 29, 2018

Last week, I made it all the way into the jungles of Nosara, Costa Rica for a thyroid healing yoga retreat with the amazing and beautiful Fern Olivia.  I had been diagnosed with hypothyroidism in late 2016 and through my search for more holistic methods of healing, I came across ThyroidYoga, which incorporates both Eastern and Western approaches to healing your thyroid. Set in the beautiful Guanacaste province, just minutes away from the spectacular beach, Nosara is part of the blue zones where life expectancy is well above average. The energy here is grounding and magical –  and this is where I came to heal.

Although my intention was to come back home with practical guidance and tools to regulate my thyroid, I snuck in an intention to open my heart to love. I had no idea what I was in for but found myself immediately feeling an emotional pull to deeper healing. Then, during our first morning yoga practice, lying in my supported bridge position, I had the most beautiful revelation : that I was here to open my body, my heart and my soul. And within seconds of externalizing that intention, my teacher witnessed my body relax and open up. It felt like I had now given myself the permission I needed to open myself up to reveal my true self and what transpired over the next week was beyond imaginable.

First, came the opening up of my body. For years, I had felt that I had this imaginary layer of “protection” around me but in fact, what I had created was tension in my entire body which kept me feeling tense, tight and sore to name a few things. During my massage session in an enchanted jungle house, I sighed these words out loud “I haven’t felt safe since the day I was born”, and I immediately understood that I had harbored 33 years of experiences that made me feel unsafe in my muscles, especially around my heart and my neck. And with each year, I added more and more tension in these muscles, to the point where it felt like I had hardened my heart and stagnated my voice. But here in Nosara, I felt safe surrounded by like minded individuals and the grounding energy of  this beautiful place. With each day and each yoga practice, I felt my body loosen up and I found my movements to be freer.

Then came the healing of my soul. I thought I had worked on healing myself from the pain of the past years, but turns out I had been oblivious to true healing which for me went all the way back to the day I was born. As a child, I was adopted at birth, and the only story I had known was one of not being wanted. As the saying goes “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”, and so I came across an emotional healer who helped me go deeper. Feeling unloved and unsafe were at the core of my being for my whole life, and I had to start the healing process from the beginning of my time. I had to rewrite my script from the day I was born – that I was loved, that I came from love, and that this love carries on in me. For anyone who’s adopted, not feeling the love of your natural parents is a burden that is carried in our entire lifetime, and through a series of workshops, I was able to release this burden through a deeper knowing that I was meant for greatness, that this was all part of a greater plan beyond my control and that I had to give forgiveness to everyone in my past that made me feel unsafe. I shed so many tears, and layers off my soul. Although I still have more healing to go through, I already feel so much lighter and freer, and more at peace than before.

And finally, something magical happened – I was able to open my heart. I’ve been so closed off for as long as I can remember. My embraces in the past felt more like an act rather than a gesture of love. I had built up anger and resentment that was projected onto everyday situations and I couldn’t truly love others. But after my above healing sessions, I found myself saying “I love you” so easily to my retreat friends and it came from such a deep and peaceful place within me. I used to feel awkward when it came to touch, and over the next few days, I found myself feeling so natural to participate in yoga adjustments that were part of my training. My words began to come from my heart and I genuinely wanted to help others in their journey toward healing.

Rumi said “The wound is where the light enters you”, and he also said that “You transform all those who are touched by you”. I was blessed to have been in an environment that helped me move through my blocks and ultimately enable transformation. And here’s what I learned : Healing is the bedrock of transformation. The avenues we take to get there are as unique as each of us and what worked for me might not work for you.  But we must be willing to allow the light to enter our wounds and in order to transform me must acknowledge that healing is needed. I hope my healing journey inspires your metamorphosis and I honor you in your unique process of unfoldment.



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